What to do about Obesity?

The media recently reported that 80% of Americans are overweight, and a significant portion of them is classified as obese. It is well documented that being overweight causes shortened life spans; increased medical problems form heart disease to diabetes. In fact, there is a direct correlation between weight gain and divorce rates! As Americans got fatter the divorce rate went up! Is anyone surprised?

Already people are calling out for policies to help reverse the trend. Using the tobacco industry as a model, they are proposing a “fat tax” on fast foods like McDonalds. Of course we all know this won’t work, and is actually being suggested by the big supermarket chains. This would obviously send people back to the stores for their hamburgers and cakes! Further it would be patently unfair to those who “pig out” in moderation. However, it is obvious we need to do something.

I propose we follow the same line of thought with a two-prong approach.

1. First, we create much simpler criteria than something like Body Mass index. After extensive surveys I believe a simpler pounds per inch mechanism can be applied to most of the population. It would be 2 pounds per inch of height for women and 3 pounds per inch of height for men. All that would be needed at all types of food outlets would be a weight mat and height scanner. Whenever you purchased food at a fast food outlet or even a supermarket if you exceed these limits all prices would be doubled. At “All you can Eat Buffets” they would be tripled.

a. Example if you are a woman and a 5’6″ tall that is 66 inches. So if you weighed over 132 pounds, you would be subject to the “Fat Tax”. Similarly a 5’10” man could not weigh over 210 Ibs.

This would force every family to have at least one thin person to do the shopping. As we all know, these people would not buy the same kinds and amounts of foods

the rest of their family members would,

2, We create a new position under George Bush for Homeland Fitness. Perhaps headed by Calista Flockhart. This position would coordinate applying the above criteria to various agencies around the country. Speeding ticket fines could double for people

exceeding the above limits. Airlines could similarly levee a surcharge (at least for the extra fuel) on passengers as they checked in. Heck, we could even apply it to income taxes. That would certainly give new meaning to the term “Fat Cat’.

Lastly, just to be safe, ail men’s pants and shorts of greater than a 38 inch waist should have a 100% tax applied. Similarly, all double-digit women’s sizes i.e. 10 arid above would have a similar tax.

Now is the time to take Action and Declare WAR on FAT!

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2 Responses to What to do about Obesity?

  1. Tony Roma says:


  2. I always wanted to draw a political cartoon – the left side is a picture of a bar with a sign over the counter which says “We refuse to serve anyone who appears intoxicated” and the right side is the inside of a McDonalds with a sign over the counter that says “we refuse to serve anyone who appears obese”

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