New Jobs in Environmental Cleansing

So now it has been reported that people who wash the poor ducks and pelicans earn up to $17 an hour in the gulf.

It seems like a pretty good job in this climate, so here is a glimse of the future.

 The Obama government begins creating new jobs as “pelican cleaner”  or “turtle washer” .

After a few months the SEIU will unionize these jobs.  Even worse, we will see people being disabled due to toxic chemical exposure.

Many years from now after all the animals are cleaned, these jobs will not go away, but rather be in constant preparation or “readiness” for the next disaster.

Of course initially people will move around and rescue any animal that needs it, but over time we will develop specialists, hence “pelican cleaners” will earn more than general purpose animal cleaners.  The job is more hazardous cause pelicans bite harder than turtles.  Lord knows how much you might have to pay a seagull washer.

The government will develop a special purchasing document laying out the requirements for detergent, leading to what we know as DAWN to be relabeled in a camo green bottle selling for $49 a quart.  It will be called DUSK.

Leading edge universities will respond with course curricula leading to entry level jobs in ths rapidly growing industry.  For example courses  might include:

1. Preparation and use of environmental detergents.  Students will learn how to properly hold a bottle of relabeled dawn and mix it with water.  Detailed paractice on mixing the two substances.  Training on how to treat accidental ingestion, as well as how to properly rinse it off your hands after contact.  Detailed training in rinsing and the use of water.

2.  Psychological analyses of animal stress syndromes arising due to exposure to toxic chemicals such as oil.  How to recognize symptoms of stress such as laying on the beach unable to move.  Rehabilitation after cleansing to ensure being able to return to the wild successfully.  Treatment of Post Human Handling Syndrome.  This is being referred to as PHHS, and already hundreds of animals are exhibiting its symptoms.

3.  Specialization in freshwater oil cleansing which is different than saltwater cleansing. 

4.  Recgnizing symptoms of toxic chemical exposure.  Of course government DAWN will be considered a toxic chemical.  TCE will become a valid basis for collecting disability.  Due to exposure people will be able to retire in less than 5 years.

5.  Of course after all the animals have been cleaned we will have to specifically domesitcate new crops of pelicans, ducks and turtles for training purposes.  Specialized farms that are government subsidized will need to be created..

6.  Removal of oil and other toxic substances from plant life such as coastal grasses.  Includes 12 week memorization of “wipe off wipe off” as part of a self defense course.

The more I write the greater the opportunities appear. 

 There is no longer any concern about jobs, they are coming.  Thank god we have the infinite wealth to pay for them..

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